My Little Girl... is 12!!!

(This picture was taken Mother's Day 1998.)

Today, I almost wanted to cry. I have never had a problem with my own age. I was alright when I turned 30, 35 and I'm fine with turning 38 at the end of the month. However, when I think of my kids and the milestones they go through, I feel a little... truthfully, I not really sure what I feel. Excited, sad, frustrated and maybe even a little depressed. There is excitement for my children and all their potential with each day that passes. There is extreme sadness that they will never be "little" again. There is a frustration with knowing that they need me a little less with each year that passes and I'm depressed over the fact that sooner than I want, they will leave me to follow their own life's calling.

Today is my baby girl's 12Th birthday. Enough said. We are fixing to enter a new territory, a new frontier and it literally has me shaking in my crocs. My little tomboy of yesteryear's is turning into a young "lady." Although she still loves the deer camp and climbing trees, she has started caring if her clothes match. Wanting jewelry and "smell good" shampoo are her new vices. Only yesterday she was asking me about straightening her hair! What happen to just putting your hair in a ponytail?!

Although I'm sad over the changes she is making... I'm enjoying them too. We now can enjoy shopping together. We have fun conversations about other things than the Disney Channel and we even share shoes!!! She even comes up to the daycare where I work to play with the babies and help her dear mom after school, twice a week. And last but certainly not least, she is learning to cook (blueberry muffins are her specialty!) and she knows how to wash clothes(Yeah!).

Anyway, there is a song by Tim McGraw that kind of says what I feel sometimes... I changed a couple of the words, so that it would be from my perspective as a mom.

My Little Girl

Gotta hold on easy as I let you go

Gonna tell you how much I love you though you think you already know

I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm

You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born

Beautiful baby from the outside in

Chase your dreams but always know the road that will lead you home again

Go on, take on this whole world but to me you know you will always be

My little girl.

When you were in trouble that crooked little smile would melt this heart of stone

Now look at you, I've turned around and you've almost grown

Sometimes when you're asleep I whisper I love you in the moonlight at your door

As I walk away I hear you say "Mommy, love you more!"

Beautiful baby from the outside in... you will always be my little girl.

Happy Birthday, Kayla! Mommy loves you. (more than all the stars in the sky...)

A picture of my brave defender...

( Sorry, when I was posting, my computer started acting a little crazy and now has lines on it that I can't get off. Hope you can read it alright.)

My son, the brave defender...

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It has been hard for me this year, because of Bible study at church and late work hours, I don't get to see all the games. This is difficult, for I never use to miss one game, unless my kids were playing at the same time on different teams! What is even rougher, is that my daughter refuses to go and watch a game. She is on strike from stepping foot on the soccer field, since she couldn't play this year, the first time since she was five, because it conflicts with her dance class!

However, last Saturday, I found myself once again at the soccer field. Although I had to wake up early on a Saturday morning, I found myself excited about watching Jordan play. The excitement was short lived. It was a makeup game, and we usually play our games on Monday and Tuesday nights. Trouble came when we only had 6 players show up. The team we were playing had a WHOLE team show up. To top it off, Jordan was the only older player on the team there and he and this pretty little blond girl were the only ones that even knew what they were doing. (Believe me, this is NOT a bias opinion!!!) The other two star players were gone! We pretty much knew we were dead before the game even started!!!

The coaches decided to play 5 players, which gave us one "resting." Big whoop! It is a big field and when the other team can switch out players every 5 minutes, well of course they had the advantage! Did that stop my son? No! In fact, even though they lost that day, by 6 goals, I walked away proud and a little amazed.

Picture this... A little blond girl, cute as a button, with a lot of talent, but pushed around by the big boys. A little black girl that falls down every five steps, don't know what her problem was! A "big" boy whose parents probably signed him up for soccer, because usually it is a very forgiving sport, for the nonathletic. A little black boy, who has potential and speed, but is scared of the ball and the other kids and a little girl that has enough energy and fearlessness for everyone, but no talent! And then you have my son... He is a strong kicker, has played since he was four, has lost a little of his speed as he has gotten older, but hangs in there with great determination and ... Trouble is, he is a defender and is good at it. If you know anything about soccer, you know the defender helps guard the goal and manages to kick the ball halfway down the field to his teammate. Problem was this particular morning, he was a defender, without a forward, Which meant he literally had to do it all! He only got one break the whole game! He would guard and defend, kick, run after his own ball, only for them to come back and score. He asked if the coach wanted him to be goalie for a while, to which he was told, "No, I need you on that field!"

My heart broke when he cried on the way home. He had accidentally did a goalie move, using his hands while guarding the goal, giving them a free kick and their 6Th goal. "Jordan, baby, why are you crying?" "Mom, I gave them that last point!"

Funny huh? He had already lost the game. They would have scored that point, whether he had touched the ball or not (nonathletic boy was in the goal! Why she didn't put Jordan in for the kick, I just don't know!). But here was my son, sad, because he felt he had let his team down. I asked him how he thought he had let them all down... His answer was simple: "I didn't do my job!"

Truth is he did do his job and so much more. He just couldn't accomplish by himself what a whole team is suppose to do. I have no doubt, if our regular goalie was there and our two speedy forwards were not missing, we would have had a whole different kind of game.

It really got me to thinking... God gave us all special gifts and talents. We were all put on this earth with a special "job" to do. Problem is so many of us don't show up for the game, the same "defenders" are playing more than their positions and wearing themselves out. And yes, at the end of the day, there is a little bit of guilt when the mission isn't accomplished. If we all worked with as much heart and determination as my brave little son did Saturday, there wouldn't be anything, that we as Christians couldn't accomplish for our Christ!

Did I also mention that my son suffers from allergies like his mom? I was scared he would have a big asthma attack right in the middle of the game, but he kept running and with a speed that was unusual for him... I asked him about it later: "I didn't think about it, Mom. I just knew it was up to me to keep running..."

Here are some verses that come to mind:

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah40:29-31

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

I pray that you find a little encouragement from my young soccer player to persevere through your day, no matter if it seems the players are stacked against you.

God moments...

My husband has a secretary who says she has seen a ghost. I know that some of you when you read that statement want to laugh in disbelief, while others acknowledge that it could be true. Truth is, I really don't know what I think. She honestly believes she saw one, who am I to tell her she didn't?

I see these shows on TV all the time where people have powers and premonitions or are able to see into other worlds and talk to the dead. I don't really believe in all of that or if it does exist, I don't believe it is of Christ. However, "seeing the future" has come to actually mean something to me. Am I saying that I can see into the future? No. What I am saying is that I believe that my Lord talks to me, and when I actually listen, sometimes he does allow me to know when something is going to happen.


After all, I believe in the Bible, a great book that shows my Lord speaking through a burning bush, in dreams and through angels. I believe that he is the same God today, and could decide to communicate in those same ways if he wanted to. I think our problem is this; we don't always stop and listen. Our world is full of too many distractions, that we don't always "notice" the presence of God when he comes talking.


What I do know is that throughout my life, I've had "encounters," moments when I felt I was being warned or encouraged to pray. Moments that couldn't have come from anywhere else but God. Sometimes it is a nervous feeling, sometimes it is a dream and often it is like a whisper in my ear, telling me to pray.


My first "God moment" happened when I was in the eighth grade. My family was living overseas in the country of Bangladesh, where my parents were missionaries. One night I woke up from a dream crying. I still remember the dream as if it was yesterday, it was so real. I was riding in a car with my Granny and my older cousin Lynnette, when all of a sudden the road disappeared underneath us. We all started falling. My Granny was crying, calling out for my cousin. My cousin had disappeared and I felt lost and alone. I remember waking up wondering why I had such a traumatic dream. The next morning, I was called into my parent's office, to find my mother crying. They had received a telegram; my cousin had died in a car accident. That dream foreshadowed the next few years and my relationship with my Granny. She had a really hard time recovering from my cousin's death and I was the one who suffered from her grief. Although, my Granny and I would become close again, before she died, I truly believe to this day that God was warning me that my next few years with her were going to be rocky. Now when I wake up from a dream, such as that one, I pray for guidance.


My God moments don't always come in dreams. For example, when I was a student at college, I started feeling real nervous one day. You can ask my husband, I was really starting to freak out, worried that something was wrong. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't relax. I kept calling home, which made it worse, because no one would answer (and this was before we all had cell phones!). All I could do was pray. My mom finally called me the next day (I could have shot them!). My sister had been in a car accident. The funny thing is, I started "freaking out" before the accident happened. God was telling me to pray.


Sometimes, God just blesses me with special moments. This month was my dear, sweet Nanny's birthday. She went home to be with the Lord, last year, after a lot of pain and suffering. The Lord allowed me to see her at her most peaceful moment. I was at her house, with many other family members. We knew it wouldn't be long, for she was ready to go and was off all her meds. I had been asleep on the love seat in the living room, when I felt like someone was waking me up. However, when I woke up and rubbed my eyes, noon was there. I looked around and everyone was dozing in their chairs, my mom and dad were asleep in the bedroom. I walked into her room, where my cousin was taking care of her, and sat down in the chair at a the end of her bed. As I watched her, I prayed. she longed for peace. Actually it was the most peaceful I had heard her breathing in a long time. And then it stopped. I had just experienced my Nanny going to be with her Lord. That was precious... I still thank God, to this day, for waking me up.


These are just a few examples of moments when I know God was talking to me. I have to wonder how many others there have been, that I have missed, because I wasn't listening. Every once in a while, I feel the need to call someone, hold someone a little tighter or tell someone that I love them. When I get those feelings, I listen. Just the other day, I felt the need to pray for my daughter, turns out it was an incident with a mean girl that brought tears to her eyes that day, and she really needed that mommy hug when I got home. I was glad I had listened.


So, do I believe in ghosts? Not really. However, I do believe in God. And I guess we had better keep our ears and eyes open, because He will find a way to communicate with us, when He needs us to listen.


*** I need to add this footnote. I wrote this post yesterday. I saved it, instead of sharing it because I was confused as to why I had written it in the first place. I now know why. This afternoon a nineteen year old boy in our town was killed in a terrible car accident. Although he did not belong to our youth group, he did go to the church that I work at. He must have been an incredible young man, for hundreds of kids showed up at the hospital. They moved them to his home church and started calling in the student ministers, like my husband, from around town to come in and counsel and pray. Although our boy's Bible study was cancelled for tonight, we still had the girl's Bible study. As I was sitting in my small group, listening to these young hearts vent over what had just taken place, I heard one of them explain how she had felt something was going to happen all weekend, had heard a voice telling her to pray. I smiled. She had had a "God moment." And I had the day before, been a little inspired to write my own thoughts down, so I could support her with hers. Wow! Isn't our God incredible?

Hope for the Sunday morning blues...

Here I am doing something very unusual... I'm on the computer on a Sunday morning. Usually I would be "snapping" at my kids to get out to the car by now, trying to frantically make it early to Sunday School, since I teach. However, I took the day off today. Recovering from a twenty four hour stomach bug, this morning I'm left feeling much better, but very weak. Yet, since I spent the day in bed, yesterday, my body is saying no more. It is a frustrating feeling; no energy to accomplish anything, yet tired of being tired.

I do have to say I feel better. It is funny how when you are in the middle of being sick, you have such a hopeless feeling, like it will never end! Of course when you do feel better, you live off of Sprite, saltine crackers and chicken noodle soup! I can't even make myself eat chicken noodle soup at any other time... my body tells me I have to be sick for it to smell appealing. Funny, huh?

So here I am, I guess trying to have a small connection to the world after being cooped up all weekend. My in laws just picked up my kids for church and my husband will be back from his retreat this afternoon, which leaves me alone in an empty house. Normally that would make me smile, for I've always been a person who enjoyed some alone time. However, right now, I just have the blues. I feel like a kid missing out on going to the party. Rather I'm a mom, with no energy what's so ever, looking around at a very dirty house that didn't get cleaned this weekend!
What is sad is that my whole weekend was shot, tomorrow I have to go back to work, it just doesn't seem fair!

However, I am always gently reminded that I am not alone. There is a greater "strength" always there for the asking. As I'm typing this I just happen to look up at my calendar by my desk. On it is a verse. Of course as I read it, I know it's not an accident. I'm always amazed at the thought that, God knows everything! He knows what I'm going to do before I do it. He knew when this calendar was printed that I would need a special verse of encouragement to read today. He knew I would need a little "hope" for the Sunday morning blues...

"The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him. "

Exodus 15:2

I pray you have a wonderful Sunday. May God show you his presence, no matter where you are or what you are doing this morning.

My husband is to blame... he left me!

Before anyone freaks out over my post's title, I will put everyone at ease with a simple "our relationship is fine." I'm the one that blogged a list of things I adore about my man, just a few days ago. However, there is one thing I don't like... it is the fact that every time he leaves for a trip, something BAD happens!!! What is up with that? I'm wondering if he has a secret pact with God, to teach me strength or how to depend on the Lord while he is gone...

You might think I'm exaggerating, but the simple truth is, that when my husband is gone for more than a day or two from home, I have something crazy to deal with, out of the blue! There was the time my air conditioner broke down, that was a very miserable time. There was the time that my kids got sick, that was really not fair! Or how about the little things like, the rodents or BIG spiders that like to come out and play, when the "Big Cat" is away! Of course the weather usually like to creep up and do something fun too, like send a little flooding or a few tornadoes my way! Anyway, all I'm saying is that I look forward to a quiet weekend, just to be interrupted by something I'd rather not have to deal with or take care of!!!

So, I said all of that to say that my husband went out of town on a youth retreat, for the weekend. I wanted to go, but as I've already explained, it is allergy season for me and going with him and the youth group to a camp in the middle of the woods, would not have been a smart choice for me. One campfire alone would have done me in!

After the initial frustration of not going, I planned my weekend. I rented some movies for the kids and I, and mentally made a list of the chores we all needed to accomplish; laundry, laundry laundry! That all set, I went to bed at a decent hour with plans to totally sleep in. Well, I did sleep in, longer than I had planned, for I was up half the night. "Why?" Well, the "husband left town" bug hit again! I got sick! I woke up at around 3:00a.m. making a mad dash to the toilet. It was bad! Without being too graphic, let's just say I sat there on the shiny throne for a long while with a bucket in my lap! I wasn't feeling very royal either!

I slept until 11:00 this morning after finally being able to go back to bed, however as I type this I still feel under the weather... I will leave you with that today. Don't worry too much, for I already knew there was a virus going around, and according to everyone else, I should be fine by tonight. I just had to share my curiosity at the "timing" of it all...

Say a little prayer for me, after all my husband wont be back til tomorrow. A lot more could happen in 24 hours!:)