I love my daughter. God has truly blessed me. However, when I look back at when she was little and see how far we have come I am overcome with emotion... for at one time I didn't know if I would be able to survive...
You see, she was textbook "strong willed child!!!" The nurse handed her to me declaring her that way and she certainly has fulfilled that prediction ever since! When she was small she was always going, I had to have a hold of her at all times or she would be missing in action! She was fearless, adventurous and wanted to explore this great big world of ours and NOTHING was going to stand in her way! I MEAN NOTHING!!! If she didn't get what she wanted, right when she wanted it, we had a screaming, kicking tantrum on our hands. You know the little baby you will see in Walmart that is pitching a fit and the mom standing there helpless? Yep! That was me.
However, it has taken me several years to realize that I wasn't totally myself either. I look back now and realize how much anger I had after she was born. I blamed it on bad allergies, but that was only half of it... I have allergies now, without those emotions spilling over. No, looking back I realize I suffered from postpartum. BAD! And it took a long time for me to recover, due to the fact that I had no help. You see, I was a minister's wife (we are not suppose to have any problems, didn't you know?), I was living in a new place, I didn't have any family close by to help or any good friends to talk to and I was ALONE with my anger. Twelve years ago it was not accepted to go for counseling, take special drugs or admit you as a CHRISTIAN had a little 'ol problem like that! I didn't think there was any help to be found...
I say this to say that although I loved my daughter more than anything, there were days that I was not as gentle or loving as I wish I could have been. If I could go back and change myself, oh how I would. So you can imagine me going through what I was going through emotionally, while dealing with this little baby that certainly had a mind of her own!!!
Today I was talking about it at church. We started the conversation because we had a children's camp fundraiser. It would end up being one of my daughter's "moody" days. The kind of day when she has a sour attitude, and that means there is really no hope for getting her out of it for a good while...once she sets her mind, well it is a chore to even try to change it! In my usual fashion I had to coax her back to doing what she was suppose to, allowing her attitude to change before she even realizes it! (She can be so much like her daddy sometimes!) Anyway, I mentioned her babyhood and what we went through and...
I brought all of this up because I am truly thankful. Kayla still has her difficult moments, she still is on the strong willed side. Yet, she compliments it with compassion, kindness and loyalty. Yes, there are moments of extreme frustration with her, but then again there are days of pure joy too. But isn't that the way it usually is with all children?
I've said it before ( may have even written about it, don't remember!) and I will say it again, I know God has great plans for my little girl. As I watch many students come and go, it is usually the strong ones, after they work through the "kinks" in their path that grow up to do mighty things!
As I sat there eating, today, watching my baby work, I was thankful. She has come a long way from the kicking and screaming little toddler we once knew. She has grown into a young lady her mom can certainly be proud of. And the truth of the matter is, like the old saying goes; "what didn't kill us only made us stronger!!!" :) It was so nice to be able to eat a meal without drama...
Or wait...is this the calm before the storm? Do I need to get the knee pads super glued on? She is going to be a teenager this year!!! Pray for us...
Me and my baby girl!
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