I got my feelings hurt today.
One of the mom's brought in a whole sack filled with treat bags, for kids and teachers, today at work. When the candy was all passed out, it was clear that I had been forgotten. It really doesn't matter that I can't eat chocolate (allergic), it doesn't really matter that deep in my heart I know the mom would be upset if she knew. What mattered to me all stinkin' morning was the fact that I had been left out. I felt like I was in grade school again.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake that feeling we have all felt at one time or another. The feeling of being picked last. The feeling of being the only one not asked to the dance. The feeling of not being asked to a certain party or fellowship. Feelings that muddle our brains and pour down the insecurity. Even when deep inside, we know better, some days it is just so hard to shake those yucky feelings. For whatever reason, this morning it hit me hard. Probably because the mom responsible, would be the last one I would expect, to forget me.
When you hit age 40, do you start feeling like you are 13 again?
I tried all morning not to let it bother me. I mean, I didn't make a big deal about it, in fact nobody at work knew I was upset. I just couldn't let that train of thought go. It haunted me all morning. I would reason over and over in my head, but it just plain HURT. I know deep down, that she would be upset if she realized her mistake, but my human heart wanted to cry out "It is not about the candy bar!!! It is about the thought. I want to be thought of. I want to be affirmed. I want to be thanked too!"
During my lunch break, I got in my car and VENTED. I said "Lord, it just plain HURTS to be left out, no matter how little or big the circumstances are. Just want a little acknowledgement here, for a job well done."
And He replied as clear as day;
It hit me hard. He really does know doesn't HE?
How many times have I forgot to say "thank you" to the Blessing Maker of the World? How many times have I been too tired or busy to have a little one on one time with the Savior? How many times have I paid bills, selfishly bought something I wanted and then had NOTHING left for the offering plate? How many times have I just forgotten..?
Too many to count.
After my little cry fest over a little candy bar, I found myself wondering if I should write a thank you card to the mom. Her oversight, actually ended up giving me the gift I really needed today...time with my Savior.