Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
I don't know about you, but spring sometimes has a way of getting the best of me. I have just spent the winter months, wearing bulky sweaters and jackets, hiding what I didn't want to acknowledge was there...a few extra pounds. A "muffin top." Now I was doing real good after my surgery, lost almost 20 pounds through the whole ordeal last summer and early fall, but then comes fall...
It is like my body tells me to prepare for hibernation (food wise anyway). All of a sudden my willpower goes out the window with every holiday and party that goes by. And under my sweater is neatly hidden the evidence, until... That first hint of spring weather. I start pulling out cute tops in bright colors and dig out the flip flops and capris. I LOVE ME SOME FLIP FLOPS!!! And then I look in the mirror and my "sunshiny" mood quickly runs away and the tears fall. I LOOK LIKE THAT?!!! REALLY?!!!
Of course if you are also like me, then you feel like you automatically have to do something about it. I go find all my old "diet" books, buy another one to add to the pile and then start my journey to a "new and improved me." Only that usually ends up in frustration and tears as well. As I told my hubby the other night "too much info is not good, it is confusing and just plain leaves me defeated." Plus the fact that none of the books even agree and I am sorry, BUT I don't have time to spend at the gym all hours of the day, like they do on the "Biggest Loser."
And then I realized that maybe dieting isn't for me. I still have some health issues and allergies that keep me from following any diet the way the author wants you to. Maybe that is my problem, I'm going about this all wrong. You see, I do enjoy a veggie or two, love fruit, drink mostly water anyway and lean meat is my favorite, so it sounds like I eat right anyway, right? WRONG. My problem is portion control. Not on the good happy days, for I could go without eating and not even realize it for hours and hours if I'm busy and happy. No, my problem comes when stress comes knocking at my door. Then all of a sudden I want BREAD, CAKE, PIE, CHIPS AND DIP...AND LOTS OF IT. I will eat something salty, then feel like I need to eat something sweet, just to need a little saltiness again. And truthfully, I am not even hungry when I eat them. Sound familiar?
So, I started digging a little deeper. I started wanting to know "WHY?" am I like this. What is it about a slice of bread that makes me so very happy, even if it lasts for only a second? Why is food my crutch? Somewhere along the line, I believe mine started in college, I made "junk food" my answer to feeling better. Although I can look back and know that the stress and insecurities in my life started at a much younger age, in college I was on my own for the first time. For the first time, no one else was dictating what I ate and when. After growing up in Asia, I was back in the States where the junk food was readily available. My own vending machine was down the hall from my dorm room. Growing up "American junk food" was expensive. I remember as a teenager walking down the street to get a soda from the hotel, for we didn't keep them in large quantities in the house. Cheetos were a treat for movie night and going out to eat was saved for Sundays after church. So although the insecurities were there, the food was not available to me. Thankfully.
But then all of a sudden my parents weren't there either, still on the mission field. All of a sudden between late night studying, broken hearts and partying with friends, I would find myself alone. No spiritual guidance. For the first time, I didn't even have to go to church if I didn't want to. I had to do some major evaluating of my own faith and where I stood on my own without my family. I finally rededicated my life to the Lord during college, married the love of my life and we have been in ministry ever since.
By that time, food was my friend. I loved Jesus, but OH how I loved pie too. Fast forward to now. Why it has taken me this long, to want to come to terms with this, I have no idea. Hey, I am "40" now and it took God's people 40 years of wandering...just saying.
No, I have decided to not go on a "diet" this year. I will however be trying to cut back, use portion control and just eat till satisfied. May even put a little exercise in there too. Most importantly I am going to do some more soul searching on this heart of mine and why I have this "void" that feels the need to be to filled constantly. I know in my heart that I need to "fill up" on Jesus and His word. That He is my "portion." Yet, just saying it, doesn't mean we do it. Please pray for me.
Pray for me as I start this new journey in my life. Ministry life seems at times centered around FOOD. We all know how tempting "potluck" night can be! The task before me, will probably be the hardest undertaking, yet I know beyond a shadow of doubt the most rewarding. I may write from time to time what I am learning or even ask for prayer because I am struggling. If you would like to go on this journey with me, that would be awesome too. Let me know, for I would love to pray for you too.
The idea is to get back on track and live life the way God meant for me to, totally craving HIM.
If you are considering going on this journey with me, I found a GREAT resource. God has certainly used this book to open my eyes. It is like this lady read my journal and mixed in my feelings with hers.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thanks so much for the prayers.
Please keep this precious family in your prayers.
God is good.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Four years old.
His mom sits behind me every Sunday, tears are often seen sliding down her cheek.
Charlie has a tumor attached to his face, which is therefor attached to his brain, ear and jaw. And it keeps getting bigger.
Tomorrow he goes in for a 15-20 hour surgery, with 4 surgeons and a handful of nurses, to have it removed.
Please pray for this precious little one and his family, mom, dad and two younger brothers.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Look how much money they raised! So proud of them! And they are still taking donations.
They tie dyed shirts after school last week to wear for the big walk...12 laps around the track.
Jordan ran a few. If you notice this is the first "hot?" day we have had this year. Therefore, everyone was still sporting their "winter tans." Of course, since we were not use to the warmer weather, we all thought we were going to melt at 82 degrees. We will be wanting some 82 sun when summer hits and we break the 100's!!!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
"I lost my keys in, the great unknown..."
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Then we went in and our view was this:
and this (WOW!):
We then saw and heard (I got some pictures from a friend with closer seats):
Francesca Battistelli (Kayla of course LOVED her style!)
Kutless (Jordan's favorite)
Red (Not my favorite, but my rocker daughter likes them.)
Others we heard were:
Kayla and Jordan sportin' the lighted glasses.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I pour over scripture, pray with every fiber of my being, ask "why?" a million and one times, and I still get the same answer;
"Start blooming where I have planted you!"
But I don't want to.
I want to moan and groan and plant myself in what I consider a great BIG pit of nothing but YUCK! That is how I feel.
"Your joy should come from ME, not your circumstances."
UGH! I know. I am going to try my hardest to have some stinkin' JOY in my life, but I DON'T have to like it, Lord!!!
I like wallowing in self pity. I like hearing the little violins play. I like collecting my quarters to look up someone who cares. I like thinking that the world centers around ME.
"But my child, the your world should actually center around ME, your Lord and Savior."
"You are starting to sound like my other kids, back in the day, when I sent Moses to lead them away from Egypt into my promised land. They complained too, couldn't keep their eyes on ME and forgot the PRIZE. Child, this is only temporary. Don't forget the prize."
It is so hard, Lord. I don't like drama. I don't like hurt feelings. I don't like frustrations. I don't like the struggle. I don't like confrontation. I don't like...
"I never said it would be easy."
But Lord, why does it have to be so hard. I want to be a light daily. I want to have joy despite my circumstances. I want to be all I can be where you have planted me today, but I don't know if I am strong enough.
"You can do all things through me, I will give you strength."
I just feel like I fail you daily. I feel the shame.
"My grace is sufficient for you."
But what if I don't like it? The tasks before me wear me out. I often am left feeling defeated.
"Follow me. In me you will find rest. My peace passes all understanding."
"My child you are beautiful and you are mine. Take one day at a time and we will get where you are headed together. Just keep the communication flowing."
"I am here."
Do you always have to have the last word?!
"Always. Just call me Omega."
I wrote this, struggling with a certain situation in my life. I am blessed and I know it, but all it takes sometimes, is one part of your life to seem out of whack, for one to want to shut down and pout.. One little situation can rob you of your peace, help you lose track of who you are and what you stand for. One little corner of your life... This was the conversation the Lord and I had the other day concerning my latest little situation. I'm better now. The Lord is faithful, I just needed a little reminding of who is in control.
Ever have one of those days?
My sister called me while I was checking out at Wally World last night. The bright spot of my hour and a half visit to a place I am beginning to loathe. NEVER thought I would say it, but I really HATE going to the store these days. ESPECIALLY, when I hand over the debit card for an insane amount. My kiddos are eating me out of house and home. Not to mention bobby pins cost almost four dollars these days. WHAT?!!! Shampoo is almost SIX!!! Bread is three... Sad thing is I have to go back 'cause I forgot soap for the dishwasher. UGH!
I had to have bobby pins, cause the hair is getting long and I have put it in a ponytail a time or two. Bobby pins help it not look like "crazy lady " hair. I need a cut, but no time. So bobby pins it is... Maybe it makes me look half my age. I can dream.
Back to the phone call... I finish checking out and then stop at Subway to pick up dinner for the fam. Yes, I am on the phone. BUT, it was with my sis, who I hadn't talked to in a while. Indian man did not care, no patience what so ever as he banged on the glass. Oops! Had to tell Amber I would call her back. My sandwich was good, however they had no bacon left for Jordan's sandwich. Dinner was served at 9:00 p.m.
Did I say we were busy these days...
So Arkansas had a earthquake the other day, scary. I didn't feel it but my family who lives in two different parts of the state did. It was a crazy night, 'cause I was "storm watching" on TV, when they break in around 11:00p.m. to interrupt the storm watch, to tell us there was an earthquake. Too much worry for one night. People you better be getting your hearts in order...I can hear the trumpets a sounding.
My hubby and father-in-law made it home Tuesday. So far Papa is feeling good. Thanks so much for the prayers.
I paid bills last night. I need prayer...
Hey! Can you believe It is MARCH?
I guess I had better wrap this rambling up...
Hope you are having a GREAT week.