Thursday, March 3, 2011

Struggling Where I Am At...

I am just going to be honest...I am not enjoying where I am at right now.

I'm struggling.

I pour over scripture, pray with every fiber of my being, ask "why?" a million and one times, and I still get the same answer;

"Start blooming where I have planted you!"

But I don't want to.

I want to moan and groan and plant myself in what I consider a great BIG pit of nothing but YUCK! That is how I feel.

"Your joy should come from ME, not your circumstances."

UGH! I know. I am going to try my hardest to have some stinkin' JOY in my life, but I DON'T have to like it, Lord!!!

I like wallowing in self pity. I like hearing the little violins play. I like collecting my quarters to look up someone who cares. I like thinking that the world centers around ME.

"But my child, the your world should actually center around ME, your Lord and Savior."


"You are starting to sound like my other kids, back in the day, when I sent Moses to lead them away from Egypt into my promised land. They complained too, couldn't keep their eyes on ME and forgot the PRIZE. Child, this is only temporary. Don't forget the prize."

It is so hard, Lord. I don't like drama. I don't like hurt feelings. I don't like frustrations. I don't like the struggle. I don't like confrontation. I don't like...

"I never said it would be easy."

But Lord, why does it have to be so hard. I want to be a light daily. I want to have joy despite my circumstances. I want to be all I can be where you have planted me today, but I don't know if I am strong enough.

"You can do all things through me, I will give you strength."

I just feel like I fail you daily. I feel the shame.

"My grace is sufficient for you."

But what if I don't like it? The tasks before me wear me out. I often am left feeling defeated.

"Follow me. In me you will find rest. My peace passes all understanding."


"My child you are beautiful and you are mine. Take one day at a time and we will get where you are headed together. Just keep the communication flowing."


"I am here."

Do you always have to have the last word?!

"Always. Just call me Omega."


I wrote this, struggling with a certain situation in my life. I am blessed and I know it, but all it takes sometimes, is one part of your life to seem out of whack, for one to want to shut down and pout.. One little situation can rob you of your peace, help you lose track of who you are and what you stand for. One little corner of your life... This was the conversation the Lord and I had the other day concerning my latest little situation. I'm better now. The Lord is faithful, I just needed a little reminding of who is in control.

Ever have one of those days?


Andrea said...

Blessings and prayers,

Jim said...

Just ONE OF THOSE DAYS? And isn't it interesting that though our part of the conversation shifts from this subject to that - literally "across the board" (whatever that means) - HIS RESPONSES are EVER THE SAME! AND WE KNEW THEY WOULD BE, BECAUSE HE NEVER GIVES WRONG ADVICE OR COUNSEL. AND, OF COURSE, HE'S RIGHT -ALWAYS!


Love you, daughter!


Jim said...

The "word verifications" to add comments are a hoot sometimes. The one on this one is "wardirde" - say it fast!


Bridget said...

Prayers that you find comfort and peace where God has placed me I know it's not always easy because I definitely have not always liked where He's put me...