5 pounds is still 5 pounds!!!

As I said in my previous post I am learning a new way of eating. Crave food less, crave Jesus more. In the week and a half I have been on it, I've done alright. I haven't restricted myself totally, I am just eating less and making healthier choices. I have been down the path of strict dieting and it totally doesn't work for the long haul. Life happens. Sometimes you go out to eat. Sometimes you are on church trips. We all like vacation time. And when the holidays roll by there are always parties and family dinners.

No. I have pretty much learned that life is too short to worry about food all of the time. In fact that is the same problem just going in the opposite direction. Diets end up consuming me and that is what I am trying to get away from. I want to live where I just don't think and worry about FOOD all the time. I am going to eat. God has always provided up till now, more than I needed, why do I worry so very much about it. When you are already thinking about what you are having for lunch, while eating breakfast...I think there is a problem. And I have suffered with that problem way too long.

When not on a eating plan, I tend to eat too much, throughout the day. When on a diet I worry about all the calories, where I am going to eat and when...cause I think I am starving. These days I am trying simply not to worry about it at all. If I make wise choices, eat only when really hungry and cut out all the junk, then I think that is something I could probably do for the rest of my life. Add a few minutes of activity everyday and maybe just maybe I can get back on track where God wants me to be. Too many other things need my focus other than FOOD.

Which brings me to my little tidbit of good news. I have lost 5 pounds!!!

Now, I know I had the tummy bug on Sunday.

I know there is that whole "water weight" thing.

I know they are gone in ways that may not be noticeable yet.

I know...

But at the end of the day, 5 pounds is still 5 pounds!

God is good.

Craving the RIGHT PORTION...

" My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my PORTION forever." Psalm 73:26

I don't know about you, but spring sometimes has a way of getting the best of me. I have just spent the winter months, wearing bulky sweaters and jackets, hiding what I didn't want to acknowledge was there...a few extra pounds. A "muffin top." Now I was doing real good after my surgery, lost almost 20 pounds through the whole ordeal last summer and early fall, but then comes fall...

It is like my body tells me to prepare for hibernation (food wise anyway). All of a sudden my willpower goes out the window with every holiday and party that goes by. And under my sweater is neatly hidden the evidence, until... That first hint of spring weather. I start pulling out cute tops in bright colors and dig out the flip flops and capris. I LOVE ME SOME FLIP FLOPS!!! And then I look in the mirror and my "sunshiny" mood quickly runs away and the tears fall. I LOOK LIKE THAT?!!! REALLY?!!!

Of course if you are also like me, then you feel like you automatically have to do something about it. I go find all my old "diet" books, buy another one to add to the pile and then start my journey to a "new and improved me." Only that usually ends up in frustration and tears as well. As I told my hubby the other night "too much info is not good, it is confusing and just plain leaves me defeated." Plus the fact that none of the books even agree and I am sorry, BUT I don't have time to spend at the gym all hours of the day, like they do on the "Biggest Loser."

And then I realized that maybe dieting isn't for me. I still have some health issues and allergies that keep me from following any diet the way the author wants you to. Maybe that is my problem, I'm going about this all wrong. You see, I do enjoy a veggie or two, love fruit, drink mostly water anyway and lean meat is my favorite, so it sounds like I eat right anyway, right? WRONG. My problem is portion control. Not on the good happy days, for I could go without eating and not even realize it for hours and hours if I'm busy and happy. No, my problem comes when stress comes knocking at my door. Then all of a sudden I want BREAD, CAKE, PIE, CHIPS AND DIP...AND LOTS OF IT. I will eat something salty, then feel like I need to eat something sweet, just to need a little saltiness again. And truthfully, I am not even hungry when I eat them. Sound familiar?

So, I started digging a little deeper. I started wanting to know "WHY?" am I like this. What is it about a slice of bread that makes me so very happy, even if it lasts for only a second? Why is food my crutch? Somewhere along the line, I believe mine started in college, I made "junk food" my answer to feeling better. Although I can look back and know that the stress and insecurities in my life started at a much younger age, in college I was on my own for the first time. For the first time, no one else was dictating what I ate and when. After growing up in Asia, I was back in the States where the junk food was readily available. My own vending machine was down the hall from my dorm room. Growing up "American junk food" was expensive. I remember as a teenager walking down the street to get a soda from the hotel, for we didn't keep them in large quantities in the house. Cheetos were a treat for movie night and going out to eat was saved for Sundays after church. So although the insecurities were there, the food was not available to me. Thankfully.

But then all of a sudden my parents weren't there either, still on the mission field. All of a sudden between late night studying, broken hearts and partying with friends, I would find myself alone. No spiritual guidance. For the first time, I didn't even have to go to church if I didn't want to. I had to do some major evaluating of my own faith and where I stood on my own without my family. I finally rededicated my life to the Lord during college, married the love of my life and we have been in ministry ever since.

YET...

By that time, food was my friend. I loved Jesus, but OH how I loved pie too. Fast forward to now. Why it has taken me this long, to want to come to terms with this, I have no idea. Hey, I am "40" now and it took God's people 40 years of wandering...just saying.

No, I have decided to not go on a "diet" this year. I will however be trying to cut back, use portion control and just eat till satisfied. May even put a little exercise in there too. Most importantly I am going to do some more soul searching on this heart of mine and why I have this "void" that feels the need to be to filled constantly. I know in my heart that I need to "fill up" on Jesus and His word. That He is my "portion." Yet, just saying it, doesn't mean we do it. Please pray for me.

Pray for me as I start this new journey in my life. Ministry life seems at times centered around FOOD. We all know how tempting "potluck" night can be! The task before me, will probably be the hardest undertaking, yet I know beyond a shadow of doubt the most rewarding. I may write from time to time what I am learning or even ask for prayer because I am struggling. If you would like to go on this journey with me, that would be awesome too. Let me know, for I would love to pray for you too.

The idea is to get back on track and live life the way God meant for me to, totally craving HIM.

If you are considering going on this journey with me, I found a GREAT resource. God has certainly used this book to open my eyes. It is like this lady read my journal and mixed in my feelings with hers.

Going NUTS!!!

When I was little I would often break out in hives. My mom would take me to the doctor and he would write it off as my nerves. I was sorta shy and my parents were moving me all over the place, that he just thought...

I don't think my mom ever really thought that was the answer, but it was the late 70's, medicine has come a long way since then, so at the time I guess her hands were tied. We then moved overseas to Asia, and the breakouts were few and far between. Hmm... I just kind of forgot about them.

Until I was sixteen.

That year we were back in the States for a year, living in North Arkansas. I woke up one morning, with hives EVERYWHERE. I was swollen from head to toe. My eyes were swollen, my hands were HUGE, my feet, well it hurt to walk. I was miserable. Missed a bunch of school because of it. The scary part came when my throat wanted to swell shut. This time around the doctor said ALLERGIES.

When the shots finally took over and the swelling went down, I had the tests done. I found out that me and Arkansas beauty don't really mix. I am allergic to so many of the trees found here, grass, hay, and the list goes on. I also found out that I was allergic to chocolate and aspirin.

OUCH!!!

Chocolate!!! SERIOUSLY?!!!

There were a few other food items that I had a mild reaction to, but I kept eating those. However, when I was sixteen, I learned how to say "No" to chocolate. The hives stayed away for a long while, but then I was back in Asia until I graduated and took a allergy medicine at the first sign of an itch. I was doing OK.

Fast forward a few years. I was married, had two very young kiddos, living in east Texas and then North Arkansas. The hives were back. I was miserable. Nature was blooming and my body hated it every spring. The medicine was taken around the clock. I hated the thought of shots. I survived that period. I finally started a different allergy medicine that seemed to help me better. In the last few years a prescription nose spray has been added to my medicine box too. I still have an attack during spring and fall, but it is more drainage now that hives. I have still skirted the shot issue. (for now.)

However, right after I had Kayla, I started having really bad heartburn feelings. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason as to WHY. They were worse when I was pregnant with Jordan. Sometimes I would be laid out on the floor miserable and in pain. For a little over 12 years I lived with it, taking different meds. In that span of time, I finally narrowed it down to happening a lot when I had any kind of nut or something cooked in peanut oil. I asked the doctor about it. At that time, my insurance wouldn't pay for an allergy test for nuts, but because of my allergy record, doctor thought I might have acquired an allergy to them. Just one more good thing I had to stay away from.

Do you realize how many yummy things are made with some kind of nut?

But I did it. Between the chocolate and the peanuts, candy bars have been pretty much off limits to me for a long time.

Fast forward again to last summer. I became one sick gal. Tests showed that it was my gallbladder. However, unlike most, I wasn't in any pain, just sick. My gallbladder was bad sick and had been for a long time, from the way it was filled to the brim with stones and wasn't working anymore. Doctors wer confused over the "no pain" issue. I was fortunate that I hadn't had any pain along the way.

Or did I?

When I started reading, I discovered that real fatty foods can bring on an attack. One of those foods could be nuts. When I described what I felt after eating them or when I would have small attacks, even when nuts weren't involved, the doctor said they sounded like gallbladder attacks. If that was the case, I had been having them since Kayla was born! She is fourteen and a half now...

Gallbladder was removed. Yet, I still haven't been able to make myself try a nut. The memories of pain are still to vivid. I mean what if I really am allergic to them and it just set off my attacks and...

Until last night. I was at the store the other day and came across the nut aisle. I found myself staring at the cans, longing for the healthy snack everyone else enjoys. I finally put the can in my cart, knowing the hubby would eat them if I didn't.

Finally last night, I got up enough courage to try a peanut or two. (three, four and then a handful or more) They tasted so good, but it was a bittersweet reunion. Dread of what could happen was always lingering in the back of my head.

But the attacks NEVER happened.

I am longing to do the happy dance right now. However, I am going to take it easy, and keep trying a little at a time just to make sure. But let me just say, last night I felt like this little guy was my new best friend.

Yummy!!!

Update on "Urgent Prayer Request"

Charlie is out of surgery. Everything went well and looks good right now. Didn't have to do reconstructive surgery like they first thought, so the surgery went about 8 hours.

Very hopeful.

Thanks so much for the prayers.

Please keep this precious family in your prayers.

God is good.

Urgent Prayer Request...

There is a little boy named Charlie that goes to our church.

Four years old.

His mom sits behind me every Sunday, tears are often seen sliding down her cheek.

Charlie has a tumor attached to his face, which is therefor attached to his brain, ear and jaw. And it keeps getting bigger.

Tomorrow he goes in for a 15-20 hour surgery, with 4 surgeons and a handful of nurses, to have it removed.

Please pray for this precious little one and his family, mom, dad and two younger brothers.

Walking with Purpose...

This year, some of the 6Th graders at my son's school chose to help raise money for World Vision. Jordan was one of the 100 kids that participated. I took off half a day of work today, to go and take pictures. It was a rewarding and fun afternoon for the boys and girls. (And for me too!)

Look how much money they raised! So proud of them! And they are still taking donations.

They tie dyed shirts after school last week to wear for the big walk...12 laps around the track.


Jordan ran a few. If you notice this is the first "hot?" day we have had this year. Therefore, everyone was still sporting their "winter tans." Of course, since we were not use to the warmer weather, we all thought we were going to melt at 82 degrees. We will be wanting some 82 sun when summer hits and we break the 100's!!!

This of course was the drink of choice. Nothing better than a cold bottle of water...

Thankful for all the money donated so children across the world can have clean drinking water too. It was a good day!