I Give Up!!!

I tend to be a worry wort. I think I inherited this worry gene. My hubby says I can over think anything and that I look for trouble before it finds me.

Looking back, I think I get it honestly...from my two grandmothers. My Granny could worry you to death. My Nanny and my Dad would get into it all the time over her worrying...they finally just decided to disguise the word and call it "concern."

But how can you be a "good" mom and not worry just a little about your little chicks? I can't. The older I get, I can sympathize with my grandmas. I have to be honest, I worry when my kids are out of my sight. I worry about their health and safety, the decisions they make, how they treat others and how others treat them... it is a constant battle in my brain.

Does it consume me? No. I just randomly have my mommy radar on and feel the need to say a prayer for them throughout my day. That is unless there is an issue of real concern.

It seems like the older they get, there are more and more "issues of concern." Health issues, like all this flu stuff going around, my son with four wheelers and hunting trips with his dad, my daughter staying more and more at friend's houses and going to dances, hurt feelings, kids being mean, pressures of school, and the list goes on and on... it is enough to keep this mom in the bad habit of nail biting and leave me with butterflies in the tummy all day. Can you say ulcer?

What is a mom to do?

Well, this is what this mom did today... I came home on my lunch break, poured my heart out to the Lord, found a promise from Him in His Book, wrote it down and kept it in my pocket all day, pulling it out as a reminder when needed.

For family and friends reading this, don't WORRY, nothing is wrong with the kids right now. I just have a few little things, issues that "I" am going to have to let go of. I'm going to have to realize my kids are growing up, changing before my eyes and may "think" they need me less. You see, just like I don't think you can be a good mom without worrying at least a little, I think a GREAT mom knows where to take those concerns. Which is something I am working on...letting go, and trying to let God.

I will still be "concerned." But I have decided to give up today, and let God do His job. He really is better at it than me, anyway.

Oh, and in case you want to know what verse I carried around in my pocket all day...

"Do not be anxious for anything, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the PEACE of God which TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. " Phil.4:6-7

Doesn't get any better than that for a worry wort like me...

HELP!!! What is a mom suppose to do?!!!

My son brings home the piles of notes from school, for me to read, sign and send back.

Homework... check.
Test grades...check.
Field trip at the end of the month...check.
Permission for flu shot....???

To get or not to get seems to be the big question. Our health department will be at our schools giving free vaccinations at the end of the month, for both the seasonal and swine flu. Great idea.
OR is it?

I have no problem with my kids getting the regular old seasonal flu shot that they come out with every year. My problem is with the new vaccine they are giving. What is a mom to do when half the doctors in town say we wouldn't get it, yet my doctor gave it to his own kids. What do you do when one news station reports that the medical professionals are not backing the vaccination, yet our children's hospital is on another station saying we need to get it. What do you do when one set of people say it is not an "old enough, studied enough" vaccination, while the parents of a five year old or a young healthy football player die from the terrible illness...???

I still haven't decided how to sign my paper. Doing a lot of praying about it.

In the meantime, what is your opinion? Are your kids getting vaccinated or have they already been?

It is scary, for it seems you are "darned" if you do and "darned" if you don't.

Dear Baby Doll,

Forgive me for calling you by the name that I endearingly used every time I changed a diaper or rocked you to sleep. I know you are now 13 and think you are on your way to "adulthood," not really wanting to be associated with the word "baby" at all. But in this mom's eyes you will ALWAYS be my precious little one, my blond, blue eyed "baby doll."


I watch you growing and changing and my heart has beams of pride shining through the tears of sadness. I am at constant battle with myself these days. I am excited to see what the Lord has planned for my little girl, but I am oh, so sad that you are growing up at all. I want to keep you close, holding on to you forever. I know I have to let you find your wings and fly. I know I have to allow you to try new things and find out what kind of person you are. I know that we will disagree on many things in the years ahead, where neither of us might be wrong. You are going to find your own style, set your own goals and have your own dreams.


I can't promise you that there won't be days when I embarrass you, correct you, lose my patience or seem totally "unfair." There will be moments when you feel you might just "hate" me and I will want to waver under the stress of that.


What I will promise you is that as long as God allows, I will be that momma bird watching over her nest, teaching her little one to fly. Your name will be on my lips in prayer every morning as I wake up and every night as I close my eyes for bed. A day will not go by that I will not speak the words "I love you, Kayla." I will try my hardest to be patient, understanding, a good listener and full of forgiveness and grace. I pray I can be the example of Christ, that my own mom was for me. I pray we will have that fun friendship that every girl wants, yet I hope to provide the guidance and structure that every girl needs.

I pray that everyday you will realize how beautiful you really are. I know I'm your mom and "moms are suppose to say that," but you ARE beautiful. Beauty is more than a flawless face, size "0" jeans and a gorgeous tan. Beauty comes from deep inside. It is displayed in your character, honesty, friendship and love. It is wrapped in how you treat others, the joy you have for life and the way you treasure God's creation. It is about your love for learning, your need to be creative and the way you have a song for every occasion. Beauty is in your relationship with our Saviour and the spark in your eyes when you read or learn something new in that pretty Bible of yours.


I love you. You are one of the most precious gifts God has ever given me. I am humbled everyday that He thought me worthy enough to be YOUR mom. I believe with all my heart that He has special plans for you. Hang in there, baby doll, being a teenager is rough. Mom is here for you, but more important, God has a hand on your shoulder at all times.

Love,
Mom


Tonight I started a journey with a group of ladies from my church. For six weeks we will be meeting to discuss, learn and support each other in this adventure we call motherhood. We are going through Vicki Courtney's study "5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter." If you have a daughter and have not read this study, I suggest you think about it. Our babies are faced with so much in this crazy world of ours. We need to keep the communication with our "baby dolls" going. Please pray for me and my friends as we strive to be the mothers God called us each to be...godly.

I will probably share my heart every Sunday night about what I have learned in my study. So for the next six weeks be warned. If you would like me to pray for you and your own little girls, please feel free to leave me a note. We moms have to stick together and fight for our daughters.

Quote for the night:

"God is looking for IMPERFECT mothers raising IMPERFECT daughters in an IMPERFECT world who are desperately dependent on a PERFECT God for results." - Vicki Courtney

A Worm in my Fruit Basket

OK, so last Wednesday night I walk into the youth room a little on the tired side. Actually scratch that. I was really tired, with a prize winning headache on top. With every step up the stairs I was debating on turning around and playing hooky for the evening. My hubby has other willing and able adults helping him, besides it is "youth" group, I'm not there to learn anyway...


WRONG!!!


I stayed and ended up with my toes severely stepped on.


Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!


The Lord threw one curve ball at me after another. And then managed to kick me in the you know what really good. I walked away mumbling in my head, about all this "dying to self" and "living in godliness" being just "plain hard" sometimes. It doesn't help when the Lord uses my hubby to be my teacher either!!! Nobody likes a "know it all" husband!!! Or at least I was trying to use that as my excuse as to WHY I didn't want to listen...or follow. (I know, I was being childish. I've already gotten on to myself. Actually, I love listening to Kevin teach, but when the toes get stepped on...)

But I've had a few days to mull it over. The verses used Wednesday night have stayed with me, constantly just "showing up" in my head as great big reminders of just how I am suppose to be acting. I know your curiosity is getting the better of you, so I will share the subject matter of the Bible study Kevin is working through on Wednesday nights with our youth group...


The Fruit of the Spirit.



Powerful stuff.



Galatians 5:22-24 serves as the "perfect" example of how to live and be totally "Christlike."



"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires..."

OK. Loving is pretty easy for me. I can find joy, have peace, be kind and good and I'm known to be gentle. I might struggle with patience every once in a while, but I try daily to be faithful.

BUT...



I have real issues when it comes to that "self-control" word. Guess what fruit of the Spirit good 'ol Hubby was on this week. And you wonder WHY I was tired, with a headache and wanted to play hooky. I didn't want the Guilt. I didn't want the disappointment in self to be added on my plate. I wanted to ignore this "fruit." After all, I have been working real hard on all the others. Is it really necessary that every Christian have ALL the fruit displayed in their life?

Yes.


So you see, I walked away knowing that by "knowing" I must try harder, be better, get stronger and finally give control all up. If Christ lives in you, then HE has total control. In other words, one really must have self-control for all the other fruit in their life to really produce.


The definition of self-control is "not saying or doing everything we desire." The temptation to gossip, overspend, overeat, speak your mind, or not manage your time wisely can be real "worms" in the bowl full of the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. The only way to "deworm" is to "give up" the control. Hard stuff to swallow for a wife and mom of two. I tend to think mom always "knows best" or "has all the answers." When the truth is, I don't.

I must remember that when I am weak, he is strong...when I struggle for answers, He knows all...when I want to give up, He keeps going...when I self medicate with the desires of the heart, HE has self-control...when I fail, He forgives. To develop self-control I must realize I CAN'T do it on my own power, I must believe Christ can.

So here I am on a Friday night, contemplating the lessons learned. God is so good, He really does meet you where you are. This week I am learning self-control. Scratch that. Actually I'm learning how to give up control to someone who really knows best...The Father.

I really desire to have a beautiful bowl of fruit in this 'ol heart of mine.

What does your fruit basket look like?

Help!!! What Happen to Beanie Babies and Matchbox Cars?!!!

Every year about this time I ask my kids to write me out a Christmas "Wish" list. I always tell them that they will not get everything on the list, that they need to list both little and big things(as far as cost) and I will try my hardest to get at least a couple of the things they have written down.

Oh the memories of the different lists made through the years... It starts with me writing what "I think they need or want," then we enter the stage of them "telling me what they want and I write it down," next they "write it out themselves, but ask me how to spell every other word" and then you have now, where they go in their rooms, think about it and write me out a top ten list of their wants and desires. No problem, right?

Actually it isn't...usually. Through the years we have had wants of Beanie Babies, Thomas the Tank Engine, animal books, a football and even a few little cars for the stockings. I always had money left over for things I wanted them to have, like a new pair of jeans or a sweater. However, here lately I've noticed a new trend. The list is getting smaller and the desires of the young at heart is getting more expensive!!!

I was handed their lists the other day and wondered if I needed to take on a night job. what happened with being satisfied with a baby doll, a pair of gloves and an orange in your stocking? What happened to wanting something that cost less than fifty bucks? I miss shopping for those cute stuffed animals and trains.

Jordan handed me his list the other day and I about croaked...

A Wii
A PlayStation 3
An XBox
Games for whatever I get
Waterproof Hunting Boots
An Ipod
A phone
and something Nintendo

Hello!!! Do I look like I am made of money?! OK, I will be reasonable, for I know my son likes electronic games, he is on our PlayStation all the time. However, what does he need with all of them. In my way of thinking you can only play one at a time...

And I was the mom who said we would TRY to get something on your list. Hmmm... just doesn't compare to a matchbox car for 99 cents, does it?

Whoever said that babies were the most expensive stage, just plain lied.

I guess if there is any possibility of him getting ONE item off his list, I had better start saving the pennies. Days like this, I wish there really was a Santa...besides Dad.

A Prayer Request and a Memory

It is still raining here. I am getting real serious about missing the memo on the ark building...or I'm thinking about checking the paper for boats for sale..

I had to run errands on my lunch break. There were huge areas where the water was flooding the street. Scary stuff, especially when you drive a car like mine that isn't that high off the ground. I HATE DRIVING IN THE RAIN!

The schools all closed early today due to the rain...got to be able to get the kids that live out of town, home. The rain is definitely controlling what we do these days.


Last night we got a phone call. A family in our church has an urgent prayer request. The mother/grandmother, who also goes to our church, was traveling around the Houston area with her four sisters. A car in the other lane hydroplaned and crashed into them. The driver, the youngest sister died. The other three sisters are in very critical condition. we are still not sure if they will pull through. The lady that goes to our church is banged up pretty bad, but is going to be OK. Please pray. We are talking about the families of these five sisters. A precious family at that.


As I was driving through my wet streets, thinking about how many accidents could happen among the wet conditions, prayer was on my lips constantly. I was also reminded of my own story of God's protection in the rain. The real reason I HATE DRIVING IN THE RAIN!!!

It was back in 1998. I was pregnant, with a one and a half year old. I lived in a small town in Texas. I was on my way to Nacogdoches, where my daughter was scheduled to see her pediatrician. I was in my hubby's truck. It had poured rain that morning, but it was starting to clear off, with just a light drizzle. As I barreled down the highway, my tires hit a patch of water and I found myself hydroplaning and then spinning until I landed perfectly in the turning lane. With one hand on my belly, I quickly checked the backseat for Kayla. She had a huge smile on her face as if to say "do it again mommy!" As I sat there, with cars zooming past me in both directions, I realized that on the radio was Leann Rimes singing a song about angels.

Here I was, on a Texas highway, a total nervous wreck, sitting in the turning lane, 30 miles from home, in the drizzling rain, with a smiling baby in the backseat and a kicking baby on the way in another 4 months and on the radio is a young girl singing about angels...God is good.

So, as I sit here listening to the rain gently fall, I'm praying for a sweet family, while remembering that God is ALWAYS in control.