Forgive me for calling you by the name that I endearingly used every time I changed a diaper or rocked you to sleep. I know you are now 13 and think you are on your way to "adulthood," not really wanting to be associated with the word "baby" at all. But in this mom's eyes you will ALWAYS be my precious little one, my blond, blue eyed "baby doll."
I watch you growing and changing and my heart has beams of pride shining through the tears of sadness. I am at constant battle with myself these days. I am excited to see what the Lord has planned for my little girl, but I am oh, so sad that you are growing up at all. I want to keep you close, holding on to you forever. I know I have to let you find your wings and fly. I know I have to allow you to try new things and find out what kind of person you are. I know that we will disagree on many things in the years ahead, where neither of us might be wrong. You are going to find your own style, set your own goals and have your own dreams.
I can't promise you that there won't be days when I embarrass you, correct you, lose my patience or seem totally "unfair." There will be moments when you feel you might just "hate" me and I will want to waver under the stress of that.
What I will promise you is that as long as God allows, I will be that momma bird watching over her nest, teaching her little one to fly. Your name will be on my lips in prayer every morning as I wake up and every night as I close my eyes for bed. A day will not go by that I will not speak the words "I love you, Kayla." I will try my hardest to be patient, understanding, a good listener and full of forgiveness and grace. I pray I can be the example of Christ, that my own mom was for me. I pray we will have that fun friendship that every girl wants, yet I hope to provide the guidance and structure that every girl needs.
I pray that everyday you will realize how beautiful you really are. I know I'm your mom and "moms are suppose to say that," but you ARE beautiful. Beauty is more than a flawless face, size "0" jeans and a gorgeous tan. Beauty comes from deep inside. It is displayed in your character, honesty, friendship and love. It is wrapped in how you treat others, the joy you have for life and the way you treasure God's creation. It is about your love for learning, your need to be creative and the way you have a song for every occasion. Beauty is in your relationship with our Saviour and the spark in your eyes when you read or learn something new in that pretty Bible of yours.
I love you. You are one of the most precious gifts God has ever given me. I am humbled everyday that He thought me worthy enough to be YOUR mom. I believe with all my heart that He has special plans for you. Hang in there, baby doll, being a teenager is rough. Mom is here for you, but more important, God has a hand on your shoulder at all times.
Tonight I started a journey with a group of ladies from my church. For six weeks we will be meeting to discuss, learn and support each other in this adventure we call motherhood. We are going through Vicki Courtney's study "5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter." If you have a daughter and have not read this study, I suggest you think about it. Our babies are faced with so much in this crazy world of ours. We need to keep the communication with our "baby dolls" going. Please pray for me and my friends as we strive to be the mothers God called us each to be...godly.
I will probably share my heart every Sunday night about what I have learned in my study. So for the next six weeks be warned. If you would like me to pray for you and your own little girls, please feel free to leave me a note. We moms have to stick together and fight for our daughters.
Quote for the night:
"God is looking for IMPERFECT mothers raising IMPERFECT daughters in an IMPERFECT world who are desperately dependent on a PERFECT God for results." - Vicki Courtney