Saturday, February 20, 2010

My Mommy Heart Cracked...

I woke up early this morning to head to Jordan's basketball game. I'm sitting there half asleep but feeling proud that I made it to cheer my little man on. I can't begin to tell you how much I love this guy... Love him, love him, love him!!!
Anyway, Kev had to stay and referee the other games, so Jorboy went with me. I had a shower gift to get at Wally World, so off we went. Jordan was excited about going to the store because he had money to burn... that boy can't save anything! He had already finagled his dad and I into paying any tax that went over his gift card amount, because you can't get a new game for "nothin' Mom."

We went, we found the games, we bought. He swiped his gift card and then the old faithful debit card got swiped too. He was smiling. I was happy. It was a good day. He played a good game, even getting the "white star" today which stands for Christlike conduct. Now he was happy because he had a new game to play the day away with... life was good, for the moment.

A very short moment...

We rounded the corner and there was the shoe department. My son loves a new pair of tennies... he had forgotten that there was a pair of shoes he had wanted when he spent his gift card on the game. So all of a sudden he wanted me to buy them.

OK. I'm a good mom, I think. I buy my kids the things they need, when they need them. He didn't actually NEED a new pair of shoes, he just WANTED them. Unfortunately for him, I had already bought him a new shirt and jacket the last time we were at Walmart together. And I had paid for the extra few dollars on the game. I told him "not today."

He didn't like my answer and my little man who only an hour before showed such patience, when the guy guarding him was physically beating on him, turned into a little green monster. There was whining, there were tears, there were many words that should have been left unsaid...and then he said it.

The phrase every mom dreads hearing, but knows it will come one day... the phrase that hits you straight in the gut. "OW!!!"


CRACK! My mommy heart could probably be heard cracking in the next state. WOW! Did it hurt. This wasn't my first go around... my daughter has let me have it a few times, with apologies later, of course. But this was his first and no matter how many times you've heard it and even though you know they don't mean it... it just plum HURTS.

You would have been proud of me. I kept my cool and right there in the middle of the aisle I stopped and looked at him.

"What did you just say?"

"What did you just say? Tell me."
"I didn't mean it..."

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because I was mad."

"Words hurt, and once they are spoken you can never take them back, even when you don't mean them..."

"I'm sorry. But I just wanted the shoes... Can't you just buy me the shoes?!!!"

"You know, my friend, you might have been able to convince me of your need of a cute pair of ten dollar shoes... but not now."

"But mom..."

"End of story, my son, unless you want all of this to get really ugly."

Needless to say, he finally shut his mouth, realizing that Dad could get involved and he would lose more than a new pair of shoes.

Truth is, I didn't punish him. I didn't even tell his dad...yet. I could tell the minute he realized what he had said, that he really didn't mean to say it. It just slipped out in frustration. We went on to have a good day together, with him apologizing through out the day. He knew that he was wrong. He knew the shoes would still be there next week and that it wasn't worth hurting me over. He never meant to hurt me. He loves me. He needs me. And I'm grownup enough to know that, even when those three words hurt a lot. Being a mom is tough sometimes.

I should thank my son actually.


Yep! For I realized that so many times I'm the child throwing the tantrum, asking away for things, and sometimes thinking this faith relationship is too plum hard. But fortunately I have a Heavenly Father who understands I don't mean it. That ugly words and doubts just slip out at times. HE knows I love Him. He knows I need Him. And His grace is a bandage that wraps me tight in love. His forgiveness is the super glue used to fix the cracks in my mommy heart. Thank the Lord for the miracles of forgiveness...

I think I will get off now and go wrap my own son in a hug of the Heavenly Father's grace...

Blessings and prayers, my friends!

May you feel the love of the Lord wrapped around you today!


Kristin said...

Awwww, Mich, I know that must have hurt so much. But you are so right, we do the same things often to our Heavenly Father, and then we realize we don't mean them. I love the way you looked at it. And you can tell your son loves you and is a good kid, or he wouldn't have felt so bad about it.

He & Me + 3 said...

Ok this post had me in tears. I am waiting for those words to be spoken here. You handled it so well...even with your cracked heart. I am so less mature than that. Praising God for His forgiveness when I crack His heart too.

Bridget said...

What a powerful post! I've been there, and it hurts alot!! You handled it so very well.

Angela said...

Oh girl, this was AWESOME!! Awesome teaching, awesome counsel and awesome display of the Holy Spirit's working...You loved girl....loved loved loved. ((hugs)))

Kellie said...

Thanks for popping in to "see" me. :) I just read some of your blog, too, and I loved reading what you wrote. I am so thankful for how the Lord loves me and forgives me. It really is humbling to remember that when we teach our own. :)

Mocha Momma said...

Oh my goodness, I think I would cry if one of my kids said those words to me.

You handled it well, especially in the store. You're a good mom & your kids know that & they love you dearly. It's obvious and I'm clear over here.

Have a great week,

Kari @ p.s. said...

Very good lesson. It does hurt when our kids say things like that to us. My daughter has done it a couple times, not even knowing what she means - repeating something she heard from a move (I Hate You from Finding Nemo). But, I know I throw tantrums and let things slip that I shouldn't and I am always forgiven. Sometimes it's a hard road to go when you expect something out of people you're not even sure you can do yourself! Very good post. Loved the pic of you guys!

~*Michelle*~ said...

What a beautiful lesson that everyone learned from....hurtful words are painful....but true Love (yes, capital L) covers it all.

christy rose said...

That was beautiful Mich! It is amazing sometimes the things that we can learn from our children in relation to us and our Father. He loves us even more than we can possibly love our children. It is really almost unfathomable to comprehend. :)

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

I don't know if I would have been so full of grace. Good job, Mich!

Amber said...

Oh so brave you are.

I'm not so sure the mercy would have flowed so easily from me.

Love you.

Tiffani said...

Oh gosh.

What a day! Goodness, I know that hurt, I can't imagine.

What a great way to look at it through our relationship with the Lord, so true!

Terri said...

You responded well, I would have stood there with my mouth hanging wide open... I never have good things to say to my kids on the spur of the moment. I am praying for wisdom in that department because it is getting harder and harder. Thanks for sharing your experience... It helps us other moms! :)

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

What a wonderful post. Yes, that would hurt! It is hard to let stuff like that bounce off, even when we've taken care of it. It amazes me that God can do that for us, without any hard feelings. He is such an awesome God!

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Funny your recent post regarding a potty mouth and the one here... I think this would have hurt me more.

You responded well, and no, he didn't mean it. I've said that phrase to my parents while growing up, but I've never heard it from my kids. Should I ever, I hope to respond with your grace and calm.

Have mercy, raising kids is tough stuff! We're in this together.