I woke up early this morning to head to Jordan's basketball game. I'm sitting there half asleep but feeling proud that I made it to cheer my little man on. I can't begin to tell you how much I love this guy... Love him, love him, love him!!!
Anyway, Kev had to stay and referee the other games, so Jorboy went with me. I had a shower gift to get at Wally World, so off we went. Jordan was excited about going to the store because he had money to burn... that boy can't save anything! He had already finagled his dad and I into paying any tax that went over his gift card amount, because you can't get a new game for "nothin' Mom."
We went, we found the games, we bought. He swiped his gift card and then the old faithful debit card got swiped too. He was smiling. I was happy. It was a good day. He played a good game, even getting the "white star" today which stands for Christlike conduct. Now he was happy because he had a new game to play the day away with... life was good, for the moment.
A very short moment...
We rounded the corner and there was the shoe department. My son loves a new pair of tennies... he had forgotten that there was a pair of shoes he had wanted when he spent his gift card on the game. So all of a sudden he wanted me to buy them.
OK. I'm a good mom, I think. I buy my kids the things they need, when they need them. He didn't actually NEED a new pair of shoes, he just WANTED them. Unfortunately for him, I had already bought him a new shirt and jacket the last time we were at Walmart together. And I had paid for the extra few dollars on the game. I told him "not today."
He didn't like my answer and my little man who only an hour before showed such patience, when the guy guarding him was physically beating on him, turned into a little green monster. There was whining, there were tears, there were many words that should have been left unsaid...and then he said it.
The phrase every mom dreads hearing, but knows it will come one day... the phrase that hits you straight in the gut. "OW!!!"
"I HATE YOU!"
CRACK! My mommy heart could probably be heard cracking in the next state. WOW! Did it hurt. This wasn't my first go around... my daughter has let me have it a few times, with apologies later, of course. But this was his first and no matter how many times you've heard it and even though you know they don't mean it... it just plum HURTS.
You would have been proud of me. I kept my cool and right there in the middle of the aisle I stopped and looked at him.
"What did you just say?"
"What did you just say? Tell me."
"I didn't mean it..."
"Then why did you say it?"
"Because I was mad."
"Words hurt, and once they are spoken you can never take them back, even when you don't mean them..."
"I'm sorry. But I just wanted the shoes... Can't you just buy me the shoes?!!!"
"You know, my friend, you might have been able to convince me of your need of a cute pair of ten dollar shoes... but not now."
"End of story, my son, unless you want all of this to get really ugly."
Needless to say, he finally shut his mouth, realizing that Dad could get involved and he would lose more than a new pair of shoes.
Truth is, I didn't punish him. I didn't even tell his dad...yet. I could tell the minute he realized what he had said, that he really didn't mean to say it. It just slipped out in frustration. We went on to have a good day together, with him apologizing through out the day. He knew that he was wrong. He knew the shoes would still be there next week and that it wasn't worth hurting me over. He never meant to hurt me. He loves me. He needs me. And I'm grownup enough to know that, even when those three words hurt a lot. Being a mom is tough sometimes.
I should thank my son actually.
Yep! For I realized that so many times I'm the child throwing the tantrum, asking away for things, and sometimes thinking this faith relationship is too plum hard. But fortunately I have a Heavenly Father who understands I don't mean it. That ugly words and doubts just slip out at times. HE knows I love Him. He knows I need Him. And His grace is a bandage that wraps me tight in love. His forgiveness is the super glue used to fix the cracks in my mommy heart. Thank the Lord for the miracles of forgiveness...
I think I will get off now and go wrap my own son in a hug of the Heavenly Father's grace...
Blessings and prayers, my friends!
May you feel the love of the Lord wrapped around you today!