See this picture? My sister took it the other day, while playing with my camera. At first I HATED it. A little too close for comfort. Every line, bump, imperfection seen. But then the more I studied it, I realized that that is how God sees me everyday. He is very UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. He sees EVERY worry line, EVERY scar, EVERY hive, EVERY heart, that no amount of make up or photo shop can hide. I wonder how I look in His eyes today? What will I end up looking like tomorrow?
Today is a new day, the start of a new year.
Last year was super crazy, super wonderful, super heartbreaking, super scary, super fun and just plain super duper blessed. At the end of the day, deep down I know the rough moments were faith building, while the highs were memories for the "joy" jar in my heart. Looking back, I sigh in both relief and in sadness, for the past year was a road well traveled. In fact there were plenty of moments when I just had to be "carried" through, from weariness and rock torn feet. Yet, a part of me hates to say "goodbye." For among those rocks was great awareness and growth. God is good. Life might stink sometimes, but God is good.
So, I look at today, a little overwhelmed, for me being the "list maker" that I am, I have a whole list of things I want to do and accomplish, things I want to let go of and change, things I want to finally forget, paving the way to allow myself to forgive. I want to wrap myself in God's tender mercies and grace and start new and fresh. NOW!!!
But it isn't that easy. Letting go takes more than a list. Becoming organized takes more than a day. Changing the world takes one day at a time...
And if I am not careful, I fall back into my rut of what is "easy."
No, I need to take this slowly. One prayer at a time. One task at a time. One child of God at a time. I need to just simply be available and let God Almighty work out the kinks. After all, He is better at making a spreadsheet than I am. It helps when you have the ability to see ahead and can see the goal accomplished. It helps when you can read hearts, know minds and have unfailing love in your corner. It helps when you are the definition of GRACE itself.
So where does that leave me today?
Approaching the new year with optimism, with determination, with awareness and with great hope. None of us knows what this year may hold, for our families, our friends, our towns and our country. There are no guarantees in this world. The only guarantee I have in life is that at the end of the day "God is love."
And for some reason He loves ME and has a plan for ME. Despite the crow's feet, adult acne, allergy eyes and sinful heart. WOW!
So, lists are crumpled and put in the trash. Resolutions already forgotten. Goals are even put on the shelf. For you see, at the end of the day, if I just soak myself in God's love, through prayer and study, this year will happen and God will grace me with the right tools to see each day through. The Bible even says not "to worry about tomorrow for it has enough worries of it's own."
So does that mean I just camp myself out on the couch, day and night and soak in His word? Oh, that would be nice, wouldn't it? No, I am still going to be a busy mom and wife with plenty to do and accomplish. There would be a rebellion in the house, if bills didn't get paid, underwear washed and meals cooked, not to mention the job I'm employed to do outside the home...
No, I think what I am trying to say is this; I am going to try to just take one day at a time, laying my burdens before the Lord, praising Him for the strength He provides daily. I can't help but think if I stop trying to "control" everything, and allow God to work His miracles, the me and mine would be a whole lot better off in the long run.
So what did 2010 teach me, if anything?
That at the end of the day, God is in control. You can either jump on board for the ride of your life or you can watch helplessly from the station, going nowhere. I think I am ready to see what adventures 2011 holds, what about you?
And if it adds a few more wrinkles, then so be it. It will also add a little joy to my heart.
Happy New Year!