I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING or HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!!!
Are you surprised?
Those of you who really know me, are not surprised at all. You know that I have gotten where I am today, by a journey of "good, bad and ugly," just like everyone else.
Have you ever wondered what people think when they see you? I am not talking latest fashion trends, flat ironed hair and pearly white teeth. I am talking about "YOU." You know, the person that comes out under pressure, the person that laughs and cries, the person who like everyone else in this world makes right or wrong choices moment by moment of EVERY day. How do you think people see you, really SEE YOU?
The last few weeks I have been thinking about this a lot. I have been trying to read and study my Bible more, getting up thirty minutes earlier in the mornings, not closing my eyes at night until I have read at least one chapter. Some days, the words on the page "JUMP" out at me, others, God shows me through the day, how that verse and message apply to me.
It is simply amazing.
Here I am, a Christian woman. I have gone to church my WHOLE life. I went to a Christian university, where Old and New Testament classes were required. I married a minister, taught Sunday School and Vacation Bible School, been to revival after revival, conference after conference, Bible Study after Bible Study...
Yet, it still amazes me how God can show me something NEW, every time I open the pages of His Word. WOW!
I have been convicted lately about my attitude. I have been convicted lately over my self control, especially where my mouth is concerned and I have been convicted over how the "world" around me views me each day. It hasn't been fun. Praying the Lord, will grace me with patience, or close the lips of my mouth when the time is right, in NEVER fun. Praying to be an example is a hard prayer.
Trying to live that prayer is even harder.
The other day, a girl at work called me "preacher woman." She didn't mean it as an insult, it wasn't necessarily a compliment. It was stated as fact. "Don't make me say that in front of the preacher woman!"
We all laughed, including me. Yet, I left that day burdened. She had put me on a pedestal. Being around me, made her want to watch her words and attitude. That is a good thing. However, I didn't see any evidence that she wanted to CHANGE and be like me. In fact, if I wasn't around, she wouldn't have given her words a second thought. I felt almost like an inconvenience, something in the way of them having "fun."
I am called to be a light for Jesus. I am called to live and be something that others would want to be. When those around me each day, really look at me, they need to see the "fruit of the Spirit." They need to see the "joy" I have, just by knowing the Savior on a personal level.
I don't want to be seen as the party pooper. I want to be seen as the person who knows where the real party will be one day!!! I want people to look at me and say "I want what she is having..."
After mulling over this for a few weeks, I opened my Bible and read this verse, this morning;
"...in hope that I may somehow arouse my own people to envy and save some of them." Romans 11:14
This sweet little gem of a verse stood out to me, and I knew God was telling me that He is there to help me on this latest journey of self awareness. Even Paul felt the burden of being an example to the world. Not just the world, but his own people, his friends and family. He finally just had to hope that at the end of the day, the joy he had in the Lord would be enough for those he cared about to want to follow the Savior. His passion was that they would love the Lord he had come to know and love. His goal was to accomplish this by example.
So, I guess at the end of each day, I must simply ask myself; "was I the envy of all my friends and coworkers?" "Did they see something different in me today?" "Did I "stand out" in my attitude or response to situations, or did I just blend in?"
"Live, so people will want what I have?"