Thursday, March 11, 2010

Tears on the pillow...

I got off the phone with my sister, last night, just plum frustrated. I had a car full of girls, on my way to Wednesday night youth at church. I enter the youth room and as soon as the hubby saw me, he asked, "Saw alright?" How do you answer that question?

I mean, nothing has changed. As of last night, he wasn't worse off, but the "same" is not good either. My almost eight year old nephew is still in severe pain. Everyday, it seems, they are changing his pain meds, because nothing seems to stop the hurting . He shows his "game" face during the day, trying so hard to be strong, yet at night screams like he is having night terrors... only what is haunting him is pain.

My sister is at the end of her rope. A frazzled mess of concern, exhaustion and fear. The unknown is never a good friend. She is trying to be strong, but when you can't even hold your little boy, to comfort him, because the pain is so great...

She got a call from the neurologist's office... three weeks. Yeah, you read right... THREE WEEKS till his appointment. She asked them if they realized that she had a seven year old on Valium!!! "Sorry." was the response. Her pediatrician was able to move the appointment up a week, but still... DOES ANYONE REALIZE HE IS JUST A LITTLE BOY?!!!

Did I tell you that my brother-in-law is sick? Not sure what is wrong with him, but the word "flu" was mentioned on the phone last night. I'm praying it is just a cold...

As I was writing in my journal last night, the words would not come. I'm not sure these days how to even pray. All I could do is weep, as a storm brewed outside. In a way it was as if the Heavens were weeping with me. This frustration that has been welling up inside of me had to be handed over.

You see, I'm the older sister, yet I feel my hands are tied. This time I couldn't simply stand up to the bullies, buy her an ice cream or say the right words to make "everything alright." This is so much bigger than any of us. AND I DON"T LIKE IT!!!

As the tears hit my pillow last night, I realized I would just have to let go. Two hours away, the greatest gift I can give my sister and nephew right now, is my faith. Prayers mingled with the tears... I believe in miracles!!!

"Lord, wrap my little Sawyer in your love today."

Thank you for your continued prayers.

11 comments:

Amber said...

Your prayers mean more than you know.

Just trusting Sawyer to our Heavenly Father is all any of us can do. And I'm so glad that you are walking this dark road with me.

Love you much.

I'm getting ready to send out an email update on Saw.....

He & Me + 3 said...

Wow Mich...my heart is breaking for that little guy. I pray that they can get him in sooner. There has to be a cancellation. God will make a way.
Hugs and prayers,
Mimi

Bridget said...

I'm so sorry that Sawyer's still having a tough time. I will keep saying prayers and hope that he can be seen sooner.

3 Blessings said...

I have been sick, so just now catching up. I am so sorry about your nephew. I am praying right now. Please keep us updated.
Blessings,
Amy

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

I've been following along, but until today my computer hasn't let me comment. It always gets stuck when I click on the comment section. I think I'm going to have to take my computer back in. I just want you to know how very sorry I am about Sawyer. How awful. I'm praying God will sustain him and the family until this can be taken care of. I pray the doctor's office will call early. This situation just bring tears to my eyes. You are right, God is in control even though sometimes we can't see it.

Heart2Heart said...

Mich,

I completely understand when the storms rage and it seems like wave after wave keeps coming before we can ever get a breath, I would keep calling each morning to see if they have any cancellations for the day.

We'll keep praying on this end, God will open up a window for him to be seen before that time.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

Mich, I just now am reading and catching up. I wrote Amber and told her I'm praying for Mr. Sawyer and now I'm telling you too! I know as an aunt her kids are half yours:)

Kristin said...

I am so sorry that your family and Sawyer are all going through this. I will keep you in my prayers. I can't imagine how helpless it must make you feel, but God is in control and He will not leave you.

Terri said...

I am so sorry that Sawyer is still in pain and that your sister is feeling the weight of it all. I will continue to pray that Sawyer's pain will be minimized and that his appointment will be moved up! I will pray for you that you will feel God's love and peace wrapped around you today.

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

Oh, I can't imagine! I would feel the same way if this was happening to my twin sis. I'm sooooo sorry.

Two weeks is still a long time. Make sure that they are on a cancelation list, so if someone does cancel, they can be on call to take the appointment. I had to do that with one of my children. God moved and we were able to get in within a few days instead of a month.

I'm still praying and I just want to cry with you. This is just so sad.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Time sometimes seems like an impossible wait, does it not? It's hard for me to believe that with our "good medicine" in the USA that sweet Sawyer cannot be seen sooner. I'll be praying for some comfort to come his way, for his dad and mom as well.

A mother's heart. Nothing bleeds quite so profusely.

peace~elaine