I got off the phone with my sister, last night, just plum frustrated. I had a car full of girls, on my way to Wednesday night youth at church. I enter the youth room and as soon as the hubby saw me, he asked, "Saw alright?" How do you answer that question?
I mean, nothing has changed. As of last night, he wasn't worse off, but the "same" is not good either. My almost eight year old nephew is still in severe pain. Everyday, it seems, they are changing his pain meds, because nothing seems to stop the hurting . He shows his "game" face during the day, trying so hard to be strong, yet at night screams like he is having night terrors... only what is haunting him is pain.
My sister is at the end of her rope. A frazzled mess of concern, exhaustion and fear. The unknown is never a good friend. She is trying to be strong, but when you can't even hold your little boy, to comfort him, because the pain is so great...
She got a call from the neurologist's office... three weeks. Yeah, you read right... THREE WEEKS till his appointment. She asked them if they realized that she had a seven year old on Valium!!! "Sorry." was the response. Her pediatrician was able to move the appointment up a week, but still... DOES ANYONE REALIZE HE IS JUST A LITTLE BOY?!!!
Did I tell you that my brother-in-law is sick? Not sure what is wrong with him, but the word "flu" was mentioned on the phone last night. I'm praying it is just a cold...
As I was writing in my journal last night, the words would not come. I'm not sure these days how to even pray. All I could do is weep, as a storm brewed outside. In a way it was as if the Heavens were weeping with me. This frustration that has been welling up inside of me had to be handed over.
You see, I'm the older sister, yet I feel my hands are tied. This time I couldn't simply stand up to the bullies, buy her an ice cream or say the right words to make "everything alright." This is so much bigger than any of us. AND I DON"T LIKE IT!!!
As the tears hit my pillow last night, I realized I would just have to let go. Two hours away, the greatest gift I can give my sister and nephew right now, is my faith. Prayers mingled with the tears... I believe in miracles!!!
"Lord, wrap my little Sawyer in your love today."
Thank you for your continued prayers.