Monday, January 12, 2009

DRAMA! Can't we save it for acting class???

One of the hardest things about going back to work has been the drama. I work with all women. I really like them all. Each one has her own unique personality that adds something different to the table. We laugh a lot. We have cried together. Some of us brag about our husbands and kids, others are working through difficult situations, while all of us are trying to encourage each other a long the way. It could be a worse environment to work in. In fact I really enjoy my job, except for...


I am left feeling everyday that I can't say anything negative or give constructive criticism without it coming back to haunt me. You know that feeling you have when you leave the room that everyone is talking behind your back? That feeling that everyone else can say exactly what they want and how they feel, but if I say something they start getting defensive. What ever happen to speaking the truth in love?

This is going to sound like I'm tooting my own horn when I say this, but I'm really not trying too. If you know me and my personality, then you will not see what I'm saying as bragging. If you don't know me personally, then just know that I'm really just trying to share my perception of my personality.

I'm a people pleaser! I come from a long line of people pleasers. (Can I get an "AMEN" from my Dad, Mom and Sis?) Simply what that means is we do not like confrontation. We will absolutely avoid it at all costs. We can't stand to be the "bad" guy or have anyone mad at us. It is often hard for us to speak our mind, because we don't want to hurt feelings or make someone mad. I've been known to go as far as blaming myself for someone else's problems just in order to reason things out and find peace.

So, what I'm trying to say, is that at work, I'm not a big complainer. I try really hard not to be a big gossip or take sides. I try really hard to stay out of the middle of things and just do my job to the best of my abilities. I've gotten pretty good at holding my tongue, being nice to people that rub me the wrong way or even planting a smile on my face when I hate different situations, through the years, after all my husband is a minister. Add a few years under my belt in adulthood (yes I'm getting older) and you have a little more maturity than some too.

The problem is this...when I do decide to say something, well it becomes DRAMA. You heard me right! Sometimes I start the drama without meaning too. For example today I opened my mouth to say something I simply don't think we need to say anymore and the "backs go up." Why? Why can't it be simple? Why does one sentence out of my mouth have to cause friction. Just because someone doesn't like something, does it make them a bad person?

I think not. I chose not to rattle off details to you, for too many people who read this might figure out too many details. I really don't need more drama! No, I just needed a small soapbox for five minutes to vent!

At the end of the day, I have to wonder how some people would survive without a little drama in their day to day lives... Me, if I want drama I'll watch Days of Our Lives, thank you very much! OR I could just go down the hall to my kid's rooms...


Amber said...

People pleasers? Us? I have no idea what you are talking about!

Love ya!

Jo said...

I'll give you a BIG AMEN, for sure! You and I are a lot alike that way. (Maybe being born the same month has something to do with it...I don't know.)

I believe that some of the troubles I've had in my life is because of my wanting to keep the peace AT ALL COSTS. And, I've paid quite a price over the years from time to time because of it.

I'd like to think that I have a "back-bone" now. As old as I am, it's about time!

Since I'm like you in this regard, I can't offer any real advice, but just know that I think you and your personality are pretty fine!

Aunt Jo

Kristin said...

Hey there...found your blog from Amber, who is awesome and I am enjoying getting to know.

ANYway...speaking from the other side of the people pleasing fence...the side where I say things without thinking them through and just shoot my mouth off all the time?

It isn't good to be a doormat but it also isn't good to be so outspoken you become THAT PERSON...the one who is thought of as something that rhymes with "witch."

I am seeking to find a happy medium in 2009. Not too much of a people pleaser but not too much of a loudmouth either. :o)