The other night when I went to bed, he was already asleep. I had just gotten settled with my head on the pillow when he sat straight up and had the strangest face, his mouth was twisted in fear he was shaking and although not yelling he was crying a loud "no!" I realized he had a bad dream, or so I thought...
I said his name and he seemed to recognize me which led me to believe he was awake. I soon discovered he wasn't. He would look at me, I would talk to him, he would calm down for a moment and then freak out again. Over and over he did this. He was having night terrors. He is asleep like someone sleepwalking, yet he is in a nightmare. He has done this before. and just like before he would recognize my presence when I talked to him and it would have a calming affect. Yet, also like before he would switch between calm and terror. It is like he can't wake up and get out of his dream like state, even though he hears me calling.
He hasn't had these, that I know of for a few years now. Last time the terrors invaded our world he was nervous about taking the Benchmark tests in the 2nd grade. Why last night? I have no clue. School is officially out and he has the summer ahead of him. He isn't sick, that I know of. We didn't watch anything scary on TV... unless it is because his daddy has been gone, but he doesn't usually have that reaction. Puzzling.
After about 20 minutes of this terror, I finally got him to calm down and go back to sleep peacefully by patting his back, praying and finally singing softly. It was probably off key and a little squeaky, but since this mommy has been singing to him since his birth, he doesn't know any better!!! I sing the same song every time. It is my "fear" song. When I am afraid these are the words that come my way;
"You are my hiding place
you fill my heart with song
with songs of deliverance
whenever I am afraid
I will trust in you
I will trust in you
let the weak say I am strong
in the strength of my Lord.
You are my hiding place."
I typed those words from memory so maybe they are correct. Either way the song served it's purpose last night. Jordan went to sleep within a couple of minutes of me singing. It is moments like this that are heartbreaking as a parent. My little man was terrified, and I couldn't stop it. But God could. This is an example of how when we are afraid, the comfort of the Lord is there, even when we don't realize it!
How many times do we hear the Lord's voice, yet can't seem to shake the crushing reality we are living in? How many times have we chosen fear over peace because we don't want to let go of what haunts us? How many times have we told God we wanted to do things our own way only to feel so weak without Him? When the lions, tigers and bears come out, do we run for cover or do we stand strong, like David and show them where true strength comes from?
Last night Jordan's fear reminded me of the fears and panic attacks I have while awake. I can hear the Lord's voice softly calling, but often I can't seem to let go of the fear. Amazingly, He doesn't give up on me. He continues to call me back safely into His comforting presence. I am so overwhelmed at times, at the depth of His love and strength.
What more can I say? I serve an AWESOME God!!! He can close the door on the ghosts in the closet, get rid of the boogie man and take care of all those monsters under the bed.
He IS our hiding place if we just learn to trust...